August 5, 2014
A dear friend, whom I have not connected with for awhile, called me today to let me know she and her husband are separating. She told me of two others she heard of recently who have announced their divorces; two beautiful, successful women with wonderful husbands. "You would never know there were problems", she said. They just 'fell out of love'. Divorce is rampant these days, especially within my middle-age group. I am sad for her today.
As I reflect upon my own life, I see things that we are doing that disconnect us from each other. My kids spend time playing video games as much as they can get away with, plugged into the TV and PlayStation. They come upstairs to get breakfast, snacks, and meals with headphones on, plugged in to a video, music, or a sitcom. They don't go outside as much as I did as a kid. They spend most of the day inside until I kick them outside to play.
Today it rained really hard and my children gravitated outside to play in it. What a beautiful site. They waded in the puddles and got drenched in the downpour. I got away from my computer to watch them and smile. I took pictures and was present in the moment.
I have been feeling very disconnected from my children and husband lately too. We all are so busy doing this and that, and not stopping to talk or pay attention or play together like we used to. Since we brought in the laptop for me and the Ipads and Ipods for everyone else, we are all in our own little worlds.
Tonight I lay in my bed feeling sore from eating all the gluten and junk food I could stuff in my mouth. I have binges on occasion when I am stressed or I feel disconnected with my body or my purpose in life. I have been trying to figure things out and when I feel out of control, I try hard to control it. It doesn't work and then I fight myself with feelings of weakness, anger, frustration, self-loathing and shame. This cycle has plagued me for many years and tonight I just felt it.
As I lay there with my window open, I could hear the wind rustling the trees and I could feel the breeze and even smell the residue of the rain. I felt a pull to go outside and just enjoy the moment. I felt the puffy grass under my feet, I saw the lightening move across the sky, and I felt the breeze sway my hair back and forth. I love nature and I feel so alive when I am outside. I tend, unfortunately, to forget to get out of my chair in my office or out of the kitchen and go outside with my children and husband and play together, laugh, and be present. This connection is vital for good relationships, happy moods, and for one life to flourish with another.
Tomorrow is a new day. I want to make it count. I will connect with the earth in the morning as I go on an early morning run up the mountain behind my house. I will take my sweet little dog Max and connect with his spirit. Then as my family awakes, I will make a sincere effort to connect with each one individually, because I love them and I cannot imagine my life without them.
To those of you who struggle in your marriage or with your children or family members. Please stop blaming everyone else and even yourself. Forgive, let go of the past, and make an effort to re-connect and be present in the moment. We live what we create every day through our thoughts which create our feelings which create our actions. It is literally up to each one of us to make our lives what we want them to be. Let's make it count. As we change ourselves, we change the world. One person at a time. I will make that change within me now and see what happens as a result. I look forward to the new day.